Message To An Old Flame

Hello old friend, it’s been a while. How have you been? There is no easy way of saying this so I’m just going to put it out there. I want you to come home. I’ve had you on my mind lately and I think it is time we put the past behind us; this is something we should give a shot.

Yes, I understand things didn’t end on the best of terms between us. At first, I was heart broken, didn’t know how I was going to fill that void. To be honest with you I can’t say that I have. As time passed, I understood. We were going in two different directions, you were looking for things that I simply couldn’t provide. If it had to end, maybe it was a good thing you took that job in Philadelphia. We avoided the chance that awkward encounter at one of our regular hang outs, although dammit I wished you would walk back through that door in our house. I’m even willing to forgive you for spending all that time with those guys from Chicago. I said some things at the time that I know regret, but you know how I feel about them.
Enough about that stuff. Lately I’m thinking of the days that we shared. We had the highest of the highest and the lowest of the lows but through all of that we always supported each other. We were each others first love, and while there have been others since, nothing compares to the first. I mean, I had your pictures all over my wall! Yeah I was young at the time but nobody since has had that effect on me.
Look you may want nothing to do with me anymore, but now you know how I feel. Maybe you feel the same way. But times are tough and I can really use you right now. It’s hard to see things being the same as before, but I believe it’s worth giving a shot. If you want to talk I’m here.

Please come home.

-The Feather Head Faithful.

Top 10 Movies I Haven't Seen

Being a lover of cinema, I'm expected to be well versed in many different forms of filmmaking, otherwise I would consider it foolish to introduce myself as a lover of CINEMA. Cinema encapsulates everything put up on the silver screen, even the Rollerball remake (I own the DVD, and eight years later I still can't understand why). To be a lover of cinema, you need to submerge yourself in all types of films, from German Expressionism to French New Wave, from silent black and white films to the most high-tech, big-budgeted special effects crap-fests of today's cinema. You watch the good, the bad, and the strange simply looking for reasonable merit, though it's not always easy. Some offer insights into the evolution of a genre, some laid the groundwork for the way modern stories are told, and some are so befuddling you simply have to understand it's artistic merit and acknowledge it's influence. The ultra-pretentious directors of yore (paging Mr. Ingmar Bergman) injected so much symbolism and psychological drama into their films that by the end you're left mentally standing on the edge of a cliff with an anvil tied around your foot just ready to kick it over. You may not understand Federico Fellini's 8 1/2, but they say you haven't lived til you've experienced a Fellini movie. So, as a cinephile, I've experienced two of Fellini's finest. I enjoyed La Dolce Vita, moreso than 8 1/2, despite the latter being generally revered a tad more than the former. I'm just happy to be able to say I've seen both, so when either comes up in conversation or a similarity strikes me in a later film I can draw from that viewing. They say to be a successful film critic you must watch every film you possibly can, good ones and bad ones. All film serves as a point of reference.

Now, why did I bring all that up? I have no idea either. But, here's what I do know: if you mention to a movie buff that you haven't seen a gold standard, downright classic film that even non-lovers of cinema have seen they will ball up their fists and strike you repeatedly and without mercy. Granted, they're film buffs so they probably won't do much damage, but, still, it may sting a little. I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about. For instance, just this past year, if you told someone now that you haven't seen The Hangover they would lose their fuckin' mind and demand that you watch it instantly. Well, that kind of scrutiny is magnified when you try to pass off being a film buff, as I haphazardly am trying to become (that's the only time me and the word "buff" would ever collide in the same sentence). Enter into a discussion about the greatest film of all time and tell them you haven't seen Citizen Kane or Casablanca. Or talk about the greatest mafia movies and casually mention you have yet to watch Goodfellas. Go ahead, try it. Their disbelief and hatred could melt cast iron.

So, I'm going to lay myself bare for all to see (don't worry, I don't mean nude photos or anything weird). I'm going to list my top 10 films I've yet to see. Most of them raise eyebrows when I mention it amongst fellow film lovers, and some elicit a verbal bludgeoning. I find their reactions appalling, but I'm sure I've been guilty of the same thing from time-to-time ("What do you mean you haven't seen Oscar??? Sylvester Stallone owns 'Snaps Provolone'!!!). So here it is, listed in the order of personal interest for me.

10. Scarface (1983)

I know.....I know. I'm a hip-hop fan so this is troubling on two different levels, but we'll stick with the cinematic one. I watched the first 30 minutes of it a few years ago, got bored and turned it off. It just doesn't start off with a bang, folks. Slow and plodding are terms that come to mind. Now, I know it's a long movie and I'm sure it gets going eventually, based on the high regard this film is held in by even regular folk. From what I know of the film, it's a rise-and-fall kind of tale, and by and large, those films don't really suit me. It's just a personal nuance of mine. I thought Goodfellas was a good film, but it doesn't make me want to watch it again and again. It's not that I've pidgeon-holed this film, but the running time (shade under 3 hours) added to my lack of interest in these kinds of stories, sprinkled with a little over-acting by Pacino, equals me not on the couch watching this film.

9. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

This is a film I really want to see, especially considering the start of the Indiana Jones series is supposedly the best one from all accounts. Now, I've seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and enjoyed it, but, sadly, that's the only entry in the series I've seen. My reasons for not seeing it are as follows......Not. A. Damn. Thing. It's inexcusable. This film has been sitting in my Netflix queue for over a year, because, for some reason, I keep finding a film I want to watch more at that moment. Time after time it gets pushed down the list, and for what? I rent these fantastic old foreign films that leave me feeling miserable, while I could be watching "Han Solo"-era Harrison Ford whipping Nazi ass, literally. I'm ashamed of this.

8. Raging Bull (1980)

The consensus choice as the top film of the 1980's (over Road House??? Fixed!) It's Martin Scorcese and Robert DeNiro at the top of their respective games, two legends who generally warrant viewing attention even when they're mediocre. And to top it all off, I own the fuckin' movie. It's sitting right there on my shelf as I'm typing this, right between Punch-Drunk Love and Rashomon. I'll try to muster up a reason for this one: from what I've heard, it's not a happy story. It's shot in black and white and the overall tone is supposedly depressing. Perhaps I'm grasping at straws on that one, but I stand by my reasoning. I'm not against depressing, gritty movies, but I need to be in a mood to watch them. And that's what I'm getting at, when the mood strikes me I'll throw it in the player and probably wonder why I never watched it. I'm sure some people are thinking "I've got a good reason he should watch it....it's a great fucking movie!!!" Touche, my friend, touche.

7. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

The weirdos and Kubrick enthusiasts will attack me for this one (guess what?? I haven't seen Barry Lyndon either, so there!) With the exception of The Shining, Kubrick has yet to blow me away. He's a technical master, I won't deny that, but some of the films don't quite reach their level of reverence. Dr. Strangelove: Or How I'm Not Typing Out The Whole Title Because I Found The Film To Be Too Over-The-Top To Be An Effective Satire. It's a great film, but not the 30th greatest film of all time, as it's rated at IMDB right now. 2001: A Space Odyssey was slow, anti-climactic, and just plain weird at times. Again, a great film technically, but not as great as everyone says. Along with A Clockwork Orange, those are widely considered Kubrick's masterpieces. At some point in time I'll round out my Kubrick viewing by popping this one in, but I'll explore some other great directors catalogues before I come back to him.

6. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Here we go. I know. Believe me, I know. I've had ample opportunities to see this film during the entire month preceding Christmas every single year. I'm aware. But, here's my reason....crap. Next year, alright?

5. A Touch of Evil (1958)

This one is on there for my own sake. Most people are like "what the shit is this?" Well, for those of you still reading this, I'll clue you in on why it's on my list. Two words: Orson Welles. I'm simply mad at myself for not seeing this one already, as I'm sure most cinephiles would be a little upset as well. First, Mr. Welles is responsible for what many consider to be the greatest American film of all time, Citizen Kane, as well as playing a major part in one of my top 3 favorite films ever, The Third Man. And secondly, added into the Welles factor, it's a film noir, and I have a deep-seeded passion for all things film noir. For those reasons alone this should have passed through my DVD player ages ago, but, alas, it still sits on my Netflix queue. Soon, my friends.

4. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (1966)

Here's the facts people: I've never seen a single film by Sergio Leone. Yup, not one. The man who invented the spaghetti western has never taken a seat in my home. Between the Dollars trilogy, Once Upon a Time in the West, and Once Upon a Time in America, you'd think one of these revered classics would have made their way into my mailbox at some point. Here's my pathetic reason why: I'm not a huge western fan. Many of the western tales of cowboys and bandits started out or were told similarly in samurai films. My problem is, I prefer samurai movies over just about any other kind of movie there is. So, if it's a choice between a squinting Clint Eastwood clutching a revolver or a berserk Toshiro Mifune swinging a samurai sword, I'm going to go with my man Mifune everytime. Sorry.

3. Gone With The Wind (1939)

Looooooooooooong! The movie clocks in at a brisk 238-minutes, which converts to a mere 3 hours 58 minutes. Now, I'm sure it's fantastic with all the melodrama, action set-pieces, and romance set during the civil war. I'm sure there isn't a shortage of interesting scenes and stories being told, but to get me to commit to that time frame could take a while. Again, I'm sure I'll watch it eventually, but it will probably have to be in pieces spread out over a few days. If you don't like that, well frankly, my people, I don't give a damn. Friggin' David O. Selznick.

2. The Big Lebowski (1998)

Stop!!! Don't punch the screen, it won't do you any good. For the people of my generation, this is unheard of. A young man in his late 20's who hasn't seen The Big Lebowski? No, I have not worshipped at the altar of The Dude. And I'm a Coen Brothers maniac to boot! I've seen the first hour of it, and thoroughly enjoyed it. But, for whatever reason I just haven't sat down to watch the whole thing yet. I can't say I'm never in the mood for it, becuase I'm always in the mood to watch a Coen Brothers movie. I'm shooting blanks....err...wait a sec....I'm drawing a blank. There's no real reason for this except general laze. Very soon, though.

1. Blade Runner (1982)

Always in the discussion for top film of the 80's, along with Raging Bull and Road House (no?) The reason this one sits atop this list is simple: I'm as mad at myself for not seeing this film as other people are. It's one classic science-fiction film that even film buffs can get behind, and I'm sad to report this is some more of Harrison Ford's "Han Solo"-era badassery I have yet to see. One confusing point, and I'm nitpicking here, is there's a regular cut and a director's cut to choose from. I actually have to research to decipher which one is generally considered superior and just watch the damn thing. As soon as the Blu-Ray goes on sale again, I promise you people, I'll have to revise this list. Until then, you can tell me I suck as much as you want. I'll have to agree.

Ok, I've put myself out there. I've just done the equivalent of cinematic confession. You all know my shortcomings (of which I do have many), now it's time to pony up and see what you've got. Come on, what's your darkest cinematic secret?

Expect Change Before Bud Departs

While it may be below 45 degrees throughout most of the country, we are just around the corner from the start of Spring Training. And while this off-season was much like all off-seasons of the past decade (with the biggest names headed to the biggest markets) that does not mean that big changes aren’t coming.

Shortly after the conclusion of World Series, Commissioner Bud Selig appointed a 14-man committee to improve some of the issues associated with the sport. In the words of Mr. Selig "There will be sacred cows". This could mean many things, it could also be white noise. But over the last two decades Selig has definitely been the most liberal commissioner the game has ever seen (adding the Wild Card to the post-season, making the All-Star game more important than it should be). He has said that following the 2012 season he will step down as the head of MLB and I fully anticipate him making a splash before he cleans out his office. This leaves the door open for a dramatic change to the way we watch baseball.

One of the most obvious topics I expect to be addressed is the extent of the use of instant replay. Using replay for home runs and nothing else is just lazy. The question is how much of the game should it effect? Review of balls landing fair or foul in play seems like a no-brainer. It could work like football, indisputable evidence would be needed to overturn a call. If the ball is originally called foul and overturned to fair, the batter is sent to second base like it were a ground rule double. It could extend to whether or not base runners beat throws from fielders. The only area of the game I do not see being effected is balls and strikes. You cannot leave these calls up to a machine. Yes, every umpire seems to have his own strike zone. But consistency is all that batters and pitchers seek and if calls are consistent throughout a game there is no reason to remove this human element from the game.

Another part of the game I expect to be looked at is the designated hitter. I don’t consider myself too much of a baseball purist and at the same time im not one of these new-school stat guys more obsessed with numbers like VORP and OPS than the obvious skills you can see by watching the games. Basically I’m pretty moderate when it comes to my thoughts of the game but in my opinion having a DH in both leagues would be a highly unintelligent decision. First of all, it completely takes away the need for a manager on any ball club (not that they are entirely necessary to begin with). In American League games, the line-up cards are submitted and then the manager hopes to sit quietly until the 6^th or 7^th inning before having to make a pitching change. A pinch-hitter may be used late in the game for match-up purposes and if the game is close you might see a pinch runner. Point is, other than pitching changes American League managers don’t do that much. National League managers on the other hand must make decisions that could alter the course of the game from the 5^th inning on. His pitcher could be throwing lights out but in a close game and an opportunity to score runs he may opt to use a pinch hitter and put the game in the hands of his bullpen. Again, I’m far from a purist, but these are the situations that the game was meant to be played with. Yes you can bring in a hot bat off the bench, but as a result you lose your starting pitcher, do you take the chance? Unfortunately the chances of the DH disappearing entirely are not likely. The players union would never permit a decision that would cost them the final years of their careers (think Matsui, Guerrero, Big Papi, Hafner’s avatar). It is kind of senseless to play both styles in the World Series depending on whether the NL or AL team is at home. It is a huge disadvantage to the visitor. Some of these un-athletic DH’s are the centerpiece of their teams offense. So if they reach the games highest stage they are resorted to nothing more than a pinch hitter. Is it there fault they cannot play the field? Absolutely! But since rookie ball they have been groomed to be a slugger and nothing else. Expect Bud and friends to look for a way to make this all sensible.

These are the big two issues that are sure to be addressed. As for the others, they could go a number of ways. Perhaps less off days during the post-season. Maybe the All-Star game will return to nothing more than exhibition status. Could the idea of contraction be brought back to life? With no plans for new stadiums in Oakland and Tampa Bay it is not inconceivable to see the league be reduced to 28 teams (which would increase the level of play everywhere else). These teams could also be relocated, which Selig would prefer of these two options. Ol’ Dirty Bud is not afraid to have a team located in Las Vegas (as shown when he didn’t stop Marlins officials from speaking with representatives in Sin City). There are not many unconquered territories in the United States for MLB teams. The idea of the San Antonio A’s or the New Orleans Rays doesn’t excite me enough to grab a ticket whenever they come to town. However the San Juan Diablos or the Mexico City Leñadors (Lumberjacks in Spanish), now that would move the meter for me.

Fact is, in the next three seasons we can expect some changes, big or small, to happen in MLB. The commission is made up of smart baseball people (La Russa, Torre, Leyland, Scioscia to name a few) but it is going to take some unconventional thinking to truly make any impact and attract a much needed young audience. The commish wants to go out with a move swaying him closer to Rozelle and further from Bettman. We’re all hoping Ol’ Dirty Bud doesn’t make any decisions liquored up and full of brats like he did when he ended the 2002 All-Star Game in his home town Milwaukee. What? You thought he knew what he was doing?