First up: Halloween (2007)
Director: Rob Zombie
Rating: 4 out of 10
I really can't explain why this movie was chosen for the first day of viewing as I don't even remember liking it the one time I watched it, which was a year ago. Having seen it one time and being an utter disappointment, being as I hold John Carpenter's original to be one of the top three jewels of the horror catalogue, I suppose I viewed it this time with a more curious eye. I wanted to see what Zombie offered, what he had cooked up in terms of creatively telling a story we already know. The first time through I wanted to see how far he strayed from the original, this time I wanted to learn why.
I'm sad to report I didn't really find anything worth learning, just a series after series of slow scenes and character traits I never wanted from Michael Myers. I don't want to see a 10-year-old Michael as just another monster in a world full of monsters who acts on his killer instincts only after malicious motivation. Michael Myers was an anomoly in the original, an upper/middle-class suburban kid who snapped one night out of the blue, not a confused child who murders rats, cats, dogs and eventually humans, but only if they call him a "faggot" or talk about his mom in a lewd manner. Because, really, wouldn't you act out against those people too? Not murder them, per se, but definitely stand your ground. In essence, Zombie creates a sympathetic murderer in the vain of all these new horror icons with some kind of humanitarian purpose, like he's ridding the world of these evil people. He's had wrong done to him since he was a child, and you can bet he's going to punish those who caused him any grief. I mean, who are we kidding, you want to see Michael's step-father get his throat slit after all the verbal abuse he throws at Michael and his mother. When you give a character like Michael Myers motivation you bury his psychological ferocity. Rob Zombie seems to think you can make up for that with physical brutality, as this is undoubtedly the most physical and bruising version of Michael we've ever seen. But that's not it. In the original he stalked these high school kids with very little reason, almost for the sake of it, because he was evil incarnate, and it was terrifying. They had done nothing wrong to him, and yet he mercilessly stalked them from the shadows. I don't want to understand the mind of the murdering psychopath because, guess what.....that's not who I'm supposed to identify with!! Basically, in this film he kills becuase he's a battered puppy, a sick child who got picked on everywhere he went and now he's going to kill you with his whiffle bat.
Technically, Zombie is a competent director with a knack for setting a mood, but the film is far from scary. The first half we only see Michael as a child, including portions of his home life and eventual incarceration under the supervision of Dr. Sam Loomis. Where I think the film truly lost it's bearing was when they let Zombie WRITE THE SCRIPT. The scene where he breaks out of the sanitarium is quite possibly the worst idea in the entire movie. My critique, mind you, is of the unrated director's cut which is supposedly very different from the theatrical break-out sequence. Nonetheless, this is the version the writer/director preferred and it's completely absurd. The first half of the film is also littered with extreme steady-cam close-ups, a device normally reserved to convey a heavy emotional moment or a big reveal. But here Zombie employs it during the most mundane conversations, which I found to be jarring and pointless. Pull the camera back, Rob.
After he breaks out of the sanitarium the film boils down to basically bits and pieces of John Carpenter's film rushed along and spliced in with Rob Zombie's newer ideas and scenes. Let me just say, most of the acting is awful, especially the girls who really just babble on and chew up scenes that serve no real purpose. Malcom McDowell is servicable as Dr. Loomis, except when he's spouting rehashed dialogue that Donald Pleasance uttered in an infinitely superior fashion in the original. One of the few positives I can say is I actually enjoyed the ending. I was assuming they would end the film in a similar way as the original, even going so far as to have a pretty close replication of the scene and dialogue in this film. But then they continue on for another ten or fifteen minutes and actually concoct a decent enough finale that's pretty shocking and different from what I was expecting.
In a nutshell, the movie is too long (just over 2 hours) and wanted to do too many things to either be considered a retelling or a remake. It's too much of both and the end result is unsatisfying. I hold the character of Michael Myers dear to my heart, so maybe I'm a bit harsh on the efforts of Mr. Zombie, but who cares? I expected greatness and was left wanting. Oh well.
Next Up: Dario Argento's Suspiria (1977)
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